GeneralAh Paisley, special Teh edition

 

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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  milko     
42453.35 In reply to 42453.34 
Always better than a loaded handbag across the chops.
“China Is Breeding Giant Pigs the Size of Polar Bears”
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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  ALL
42453.36 
This seems somehow related:

https://www.thestar.com/halifax/2019/10/24/halifax-police-officer-now-charged-with-stealing-from-grocery-stores-16-times.html
“China Is Breeding Giant Pigs the Size of Polar Bears”
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 From:  william (WILLIAMA)  
 To:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)     
42453.37 In reply to 42453.36 
Talking of matters related, I don't see any info on what happened to young Trig. I've often noticed* that the gory details are reported, but unless there's a great deal of public interest, the sentencing seldom is if it's on a different day from the verdict.

*writing as an avid reader of court reports
never trust a man in a blue trench coat, never drive a car when you're dead
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 From:  graphitone  
 To:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)     
42453.38 In reply to 42453.36 
Oh, it's Canadian... Thought for a moment it's was the Halifax not a million miles away from me, famous for hills, Percy 'catseyes' Shaw and the gibbet.
I was a tad worried we'd started arming our police, but Yorkshire's Halifax seems an unlikely place to start.
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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  graphitone     
42453.39 In reply to 42453.38 
Halifax Nova Scotia is an interesting city, among other things a tourist town that really played up the Scottish heritage shtick. I lived there for about ~15 years. Unfortunately I never met any shoplifting police.
 
Quote: 
Sept. 6: Atlantic Superstore, 1075 Barrington St., Halifax

I shopped there once. Left the gun home, and paid for my purchase at the cash register like any law-abiding citizen. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
“China Is Breeding Giant Pigs the Size of Polar Bears”
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 From:  Kenny J (WINGNUTKJ)   
 To:  william (WILLIAMA)     
42453.40 In reply to 42453.37 
Yeah, I've been keeping an eye out, but nothing to report.

Kenny
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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  Kenny J (WINGNUTKJ)      
42453.41 In reply to 42453.40 
It seems like a minor incident by Paisley standards...

https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/all-about/paisley-sheriff-court
“US Military Could Collapse Within 20 Years Due To Climate Change”
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 From:  william (WILLIAMA)  
 To:  Kenny J (WINGNUTKJ)      
42453.42 In reply to 42453.1 
The poor chap was back in court again today. Whether it was for another offence or sentencing for his earlier ones I have no idea.

https://www.scotcourts.gov.uk/current-business/court-rolls/court-roll?id=0eb87fa7-8980-69d2-b500-ff0000d74aa7
never trust a man in a blue trench coat, never drive a car when you're dead
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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  william (WILLIAMA)     
42453.43 In reply to 42453.42 
Paisley's a happening town.
“The insult of the year is about to become a TV show”
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 From:  Kenny J (WINGNUTKJ)   
 To:  william (WILLIAMA)     
42453.44 In reply to 42453.42 
Sentencing I imagine, but who knows. If it's notable enough, no doubt the local paper will report it.

Kenny
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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  ALL
42453.45 
Y'all got nuthin' on our fruitloops:

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/feces-accused-court-1.5375055
“The insult of the year is about to become a TV show”
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 From:  Kenny J (WINGNUTKJ)   
 To:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)     
42453.46 In reply to 42453.45 
True, but I was amused by this sentence (if not the incident).

https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/two-left-injured-after-being-20978756
 
Quote: 
Brown kicked Mr Blue in the face

Kenny
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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  Kenny J (WINGNUTKJ)      
42453.47 In reply to 42453.46 
Reservoir Dogs!
“The insult of the year is about to become a TV show”
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 From:  william (WILLIAMA)  
 To:  ALL
42453.48 In reply to 42453.47 
The wheels of justice have finally turned and ground Stephen exceedingly fine. Lucky boy. He may even have something to do and people to talk to.

https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/news/5105301/serial-pervert-seduce-cop-paisley-supermarket-jail/
never trust a man in a blue trench coat, never drive a car when you're dead
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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  william (WILLIAMA)     
42453.49 In reply to 42453.48 
It's good to finally have closure.
“Zac Efron falls ill while filming reality show Killing Zac Efron”
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 From:  Manthorp  
 To:  william (WILLIAMA)     
42453.50 In reply to 42453.48 
He might be advised to spend some time considering his opening chat-up gambit as the current one, I feel, needs work.

"We all have flaws, and mine is being wicked."
James Thurber, The Thirteen Clocks 1951
 
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 From:  Kenny J (WINGNUTKJ)   
 To:  william (WILLIAMA)     
42453.51 In reply to 42453.48 
Oh dear. I hope that the next time he tries his moves in Morrisons, he does it next to the porridge, so the papers can describe him as a "cereal pervert".

Kenny
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 From:  william (WILLIAMA)  
 To:  Kenny J (WINGNUTKJ)      
42453.52 In reply to 42453.51 
Disappointed with the Scottish Sun and in particular Rory Cassidy who has failed to notice the absurdist style of Stephen's interactions. To describe events which have the hallmark of a young Joyce or Beckett as "creepy crimes" is genuinely lazy. This is more performance art than perversion and I'm pleased that this was recognised in sentencing.
never trust a man in a blue trench coat, never drive a car when you're dead
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 From:  Linn (INDYLS)  
 To:  william (WILLIAMA)     
42453.53 In reply to 42453.52 
Sex Fiend Serial Pervert! That really is some top reporting right there.

Kenny, I genuinely laughed out loud. Well done!
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 From:  CyrixDes (CYRIXDES_)  
 To:  ALL
42453.54 
Oh dear, oh dear. I was thinking to myself a few minutes before reading this, 'many of the awkward youths who used to hang about here have actually done alright for themselves in life'. Poor old Stephen, who will remain, forever, m,27,paisley,,,, 

APPROVED: 21 Jan 13:54 by MILKO

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