GeneralAh Paisley, special Teh edition

 

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 From:  Linn (INDYLS)  
 To:  ALL
42453.21 
He said, 'hey, sexy, that's what happens when you're sexy - you drop your cold meat'.

Hahahah. Poor lonely Trig.
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 From:  Manthorp  
 To:  Linn (INDYLS)     
42453.22 In reply to 42453.21 
Possibly the creepiest pick-up line in history...

"We all have flaws, and mine is being wicked."
James Thurber, The Thirteen Clocks 1951
 
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 From:  william (WILLIAMA)  
 To:  Manthorp     
42453.23 In reply to 42453.22 
Also one of the most confusing.
never trust a man in a blue trench coat, never drive a car when you're dead
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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  william (WILLIAMA)     
42453.24 In reply to 42453.23 
The mating call of the supermarket stalker.
“I think there is a non-zero chance that some of our great castles are built on sand.”
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 From:  graphitone  
 To:  Manthorp     
42453.25 In reply to 42453.22 
You've never came out with me on a night out to the Queen's Hall... In my naive youth friends and I would challenge each other in opening lines while trying to impress the ladies. I'm pretty sure at one point our opening gambit to a rather larger set lady was how much she could bench press. (fail)
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 From:  william (WILLIAMA)  
 To:  graphitone     
42453.26 In reply to 42453.25 
I'm sure many of teh males here have done or said some regrettable (or otherwise) things in their youth. I cringe at the memory of what my 17/18 year old self thought was acceptable on occasion. The sad thing is that Mr Trigg R Fool is now 45. He's gone from never being in trouble with the police, to being so desperate for contact but so ignorant of how to achieve it, that he does this.

What is striking is his inarticulacy. The bizarre thing he said to the PC is exactly in line with the kind of stuff he used to post here. It looks as though it should mean something, but it really doesn't. Like one of those programs designed to imitate human conversation -  and not the more successful ones.

Either he's done something else, or he's up for sentence on Monday. I wonder what he'll get. 
never trust a man in a blue trench coat, never drive a car when you're dead
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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  william (WILLIAMA)     
42453.27 In reply to 42453.26 
If he's very lucky, one of these

“I think there is a non-zero chance that some of our great castles are built on sand.”
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 From:  Manthorp  
 To:  graphitone     
42453.28 In reply to 42453.25 
I have admitted to several lovers and many female mates that my initial espousal of feminism in the mid-seventies was a ploy to get off with more interesting women. Perversely, and meta-ly, this was and remains a reasonably effective opening gambit, even to this day.

I can remember a lad on the same degree course as me - the son of a nationally lauded/reviled artist - telling me his killer pick-up line before a party (anecdote fail: I cannot remember the fucking line. It had something to do with drowning in the layyyyydeez' eyes. It was ghastly), then resolutely failing with it over and over again and getting miserably drunk.

"We all have flaws, and mine is being wicked."
James Thurber, The Thirteen Clocks 1951
 
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 From:  william (WILLIAMA)  
 To:  Manthorp     
42453.29 In reply to 42453.28 
Google suggests several variations on "Somebody call a lifeguard. Because I'm drowning in your eyes". 

You're right about it's ghastliness, but aren't all of these ready-worked-out sentences ghastly? I don't think I've ever known anybody actually use one, but I suppose people do.
never trust a man in a blue trench coat, never drive a car when you're dead
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 From:  milko  
 To:  william (WILLIAMA)     
42453.30 In reply to 42453.29 
"I've lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?" was the one I always liked best, though I think I only attempted to actually use it the once, and that on a dare.
milko
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 From:  william (WILLIAMA)  
 To:  Manthorp     
42453.31 In reply to 42453.28 
Actually, I think I've remembered the chat-up line, which was doing the rounds in the late 70s/early 80s, if that's about the right time.

When I drown in your eyes, I drop my cold meat
never trust a man in a blue trench coat, never drive a car when you're dead
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 From:  Manthorp  
 To:  william (WILLIAMA)     
42453.32 In reply to 42453.29 
Those pat lines are the vintage equivalent of the Incel whisperers who lecture saddoes that they'll be irresistible if they tell women they're sluts.

"We all have flaws, and mine is being wicked."
James Thurber, The Thirteen Clocks 1951
 
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 From:  Manthorp  
 To:  milko     
42453.33 In reply to 42453.30 
Did it have the desired effect (ie. completely alienating the laydeee in question)?

"We all have flaws, and mine is being wicked."
James Thurber, The Thirteen Clocks 1951
 
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 From:  milko  
 To:  Manthorp     
42453.34 In reply to 42453.33 
She did see the funny side and a brief conversation was had, which was about as good a result as possible at the time I think. 
milko
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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  milko     
42453.35 In reply to 42453.34 
Always better than a loaded handbag across the chops.
“China Is Breeding Giant Pigs the Size of Polar Bears”
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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  ALL
42453.36 
This seems somehow related:

https://www.thestar.com/halifax/2019/10/24/halifax-police-officer-now-charged-with-stealing-from-grocery-stores-16-times.html
“China Is Breeding Giant Pigs the Size of Polar Bears”
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 From:  william (WILLIAMA)  
 To:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)     
42453.37 In reply to 42453.36 
Talking of matters related, I don't see any info on what happened to young Trig. I've often noticed* that the gory details are reported, but unless there's a great deal of public interest, the sentencing seldom is if it's on a different day from the verdict.

*writing as an avid reader of court reports
never trust a man in a blue trench coat, never drive a car when you're dead
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 From:  graphitone  
 To:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)     
42453.38 In reply to 42453.36 
Oh, it's Canadian... Thought for a moment it's was the Halifax not a million miles away from me, famous for hills, Percy 'catseyes' Shaw and the gibbet.
I was a tad worried we'd started arming our police, but Yorkshire's Halifax seems an unlikely place to start.
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 From:  CHYRON (DSMITHHFX)  
 To:  graphitone     
42453.39 In reply to 42453.38 
Halifax Nova Scotia is an interesting city, among other things a tourist town that really played up the Scottish heritage shtick. I lived there for about ~15 years. Unfortunately I never met any shoplifting police.
 
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Sept. 6: Atlantic Superstore, 1075 Barrington St., Halifax

I shopped there once. Left the gun home, and paid for my purchase at the cash register like any law-abiding citizen. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
“China Is Breeding Giant Pigs the Size of Polar Bears”
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 From:  Kenny J (WINGNUTKJ)   
 To:  william (WILLIAMA)     
42453.40 In reply to 42453.37 
Yeah, I've been keeping an eye out, but nothing to report.

Kenny
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