Sounds like Dell support to me. There's a script they handle support calls by* and have to go through all available options until they either hit upon your issue or run out of options and have to pass to you a higher level team.

*I have not had to call Dell support for some years so this defamation may be outdated.

It's a little outdated but still more accurate than not.

I do.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surstr%C3%B6mming

I'm all for trying anything once and that, but even across the other side of the room, the smell of this stuff nearly made me vomit.

I will try almost anything as well, but after this:
  ~ From the Wikipedia link.

I may not be so adventurous, not that it is likely I could get it in the U.S. anyway. From the sounds of it, piss in the jar might actually improve the odor, if not the taste.

There's no reason it shouldn't work either way really, unless you're forgetting something somewhere... Get me on Hangouts or something when you want.